Post by: ARROW on April 27, 2011, 01:50:42 PM
And as much maligned as the Mole-pod is, there is, in my opinion, something else out there that is truly worse......the ugly red-headed bastard step-child of the GIJOE toy-line.
It makes the Road Toad look like a Formula One race car.
Beware...........I present to you:
The Neutralizer.
Such deep spite I hold for this thing, this review will be sans photos. This toy doesn't deserve pictures.
Found in 2004, in the Valor vs Venom line, it slunk in alongside the Battle Hornet, another toy that got little love, but for some reason doesn't scrape the depths that the Neutralizer hits.
Now........I admit..........I bought this thing. I paid full retail for it..........cash. And I got it home and the lustre peeled off it like layers off an onion. The longer I held it and stared at it, the greater and more profound the buyer's remorse grew.
The ONLY good thing about this set was the figure, and then only the helmet the figure had.
The rest sucked........bad.
The vehicle is just.......weird. Not goofy weird, in that special, beloved GIJOE kind of way, but a weird "I-don't-know-what-the-hell-I'm-doing" design kind of way.
Lets dissect this thing starting from the ground up.........
Its got this track system with these HUGE road wheels--like something out of WW2. This vehicle is barely a 2-man job and its got road wheels that are better suited for a vehicle the size of the Patriot Grizzly. Over-engineered. Much.
Then right above those is the main gun...........a FIXED main gun. Not a turreted gun, but fixed to the hull........meaning that in "real-life" the tank ( a term used loosely) would have to steer to aim the gun. Worse, these guns do NOT ELEVATE. Not only do they not swivel, they do not raise or lower either.
Ouch.
On top of THAT are two separate gun emplacements for two smaller machine guns........each in their own mounting.
Think about that for a second.
The firing position is for ONE person, and there's two SEPARATE weapons mounted at that position that can swing about to engage the enemy.
So...........which one do you pick? Get it now? They are not mounted together, so you swing one or the other.
Why is that there?
Then there is the cab. Y'all remember the STUN.......the HAVOC?? The poor sod sitting waaaaaaaaay up there, in the line of fire to everyone in sight? All that weaponry and armour underneath him? The Neutralizer does the same thing.
Armoured from the waist down, the driver/gunner is exposed from the waist up--there's not even room for them to sit down lower in the thing. They stand out there naked to any decent sniper..........but their nethers and their ankles will survive to fight on in another battle!
That's how it should be, no??
There's a rear facing seat, another dopey gun facing back, a radar dish, and...................look, this thing is what happens when a bathtub thinks its a tank.
Its a product of "no bad idea left behind", a true mechanical mort.
Let me brazenly say that I bought it, so you never have to.
I know you are curious now, I figure that some of you are even intrigued.
Don't be. This one truly sucks.
Post by: 5h4rK on April 27, 2011, 02:42:41 PM
Great review btw.. but not as great as the Rat review that gave us Pete!
Post by: bandonov on April 27, 2011, 03:42:17 PM
http://shop.ebay.com/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p5197.m570.l1313&_nkw=gi+joe+Neutralizer&_sacat=See-All-Categories (http://http://shop.ebay.com/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p5197.m570.l1313&_nkw=gi+joe+Neutralizer&_sacat=See-All-Categories)
Post by: 5h4rK on April 27, 2011, 06:28:54 PM
30$ each... errr no thanks!
Post by: latinjoe22 on April 27, 2011, 06:58:01 PM
Post by: olyeller01 on April 27, 2011, 08:24:02 PM
Sorry guys, but to your faithful reviewer, NOTHING is worse than the Mole Pod!
Post by: olyeller01 on April 27, 2011, 08:30:42 PM
Post by: grunt 4 mvp on April 27, 2011, 09:09:09 PM
Quote from: "ARROW"
Such deep spite I hold for this thing, this review will be sans photos. This toy doesn't deserve pictures.
Line of the review right there. I will never buy one, and should mine eyes catch a glimpse of one, they shall not linger.
I was going to give you a timbit, then I realized you used French in your review.
[sub:35z3b4gt]Just kidding LJ! - Timbit given happily![/sub:35z3b4gt]
Post by: bandonov on April 27, 2011, 09:12:40 PM
Quote from: "olyeller01"
Sorry guys, but to your faithful reviewer, NOTHING is worse than the Mole Pod!
More Reasons WHY WE NEED a CHROME Mole Pod!
Post by: latinjoe22 on April 27, 2011, 10:35:12 PM
Post by: ARROW on April 28, 2011, 12:19:45 AM
Quote from: "latinjoe22"
Arrow, I will gladly take the Neutralizer off your hands if still available and make something better out of it to redefine its purpose of existing in this cruel world of ours. The poor thing needs some Joe love and I feel compassionate tonite :cobra:
Post by: morgardee on April 28, 2011, 08:55:14 AM
Quote from: "olyeller01"
Sorry guys, but to your faithful reviewer, NOTHING is worse than the Mole Pod!
I don't know about that.
Cobra Rat
Cobra Buzz Boar
G.I. Joe Coastal Defender
G.I. Joe Road Toad
Post by: 5h4rK on April 28, 2011, 09:25:55 AM
Quote from: "morgardee"
Quote from: "olyeller01"
Sorry guys, but to your faithful reviewer, NOTHING is worse than the Mole Pod!
I don't know about that.
Cobra Rat
Cobra Buzz Boar
G.I. Joe Coastal Defender
G.I. Joe Road Toad
Sorry morg but...
Rat-Buzz Boar-Coastal Defender-Road Toad > Mole Pod
Post by: bandonov on April 28, 2011, 09:50:18 AM
CHROME Mole Pod > then USS Flagg :cobra:
Post by: morgardee on April 28, 2011, 11:50:49 AM
Quote from: "5h4rK"
Quote from: "morgardee"Quote from: "olyeller01"
Sorry guys, but to your faithful reviewer, NOTHING is worse than the Mole Pod!
I don't know about that.
Cobra Rat
Cobra Buzz Boar
G.I. Joe Coastal Defender
G.I. Joe Road Toad
Sorry morg but...
Rat-Buzz Boar-Coastal Defender-Road Toad > Mole Pod
Maybe as an adult collector. I've watched my 4 year old have hours of fun with a pair of mole pods.
Ah geez, now you guys got me defending the stupid mole pods. >:(
Maybe, and I mean MAYBE the buzz boar is better then the mole pod but the other 3 = total fail IMO.
Post by: latinjoe22 on April 28, 2011, 12:37:29 PM
Post by: olyeller01 on April 28, 2011, 01:57:01 PM
Post by: 5h4rK on April 28, 2011, 03:09:42 PM
Post by: morgardee on April 28, 2011, 03:41:33 PM
Quote from: "5h4rK"
"Na-na-na-na-na.. morg is in love with the Mole Pod!" :lol:
Don't make me take away a timbit from you.
Post by: 5h4rK on April 28, 2011, 03:54:30 PM
Quote from: "morgardee"
Quote from: "5h4rK""Na-na-na-na-na.. morg is in love with the Mole Pod!" :lol:
Don't make me take away a timbit from you.
..you wouldn't dare.. would you?
Post by: Sundance on April 28, 2011, 05:02:01 PM
i can't even figure out what the idea is with the Road Toad. 'battlefield recovery vehicle' clearly implies some kind of tow truck, but it just looks so strange with no cab, and that huge gun on it...
most pointless/stupid vehicle must surely go to the MANTA though? a frickin' windsurfing board?!
Post by: 5h4rK on April 28, 2011, 05:08:00 PM
(http://http://www.yojoe.com/vehicles/88/vehiclepack_atv/atv_title.jpg) > Mole Pod
Post by: latinjoe22 on April 28, 2011, 05:55:17 PM
Quote from: "5h4rK"
Well, you know what?
(http://http://www.yojoe.com/vehicles/88/vehiclepack_atv/atv_title.jpg) > Mole Pod
I would've loved to see a Muskrat driver packaged with the Dune bike :P just to laugh at it. It would've made for such a tiny box art and a big window frame for the figure.
Post by: bandonov on April 28, 2011, 07:21:25 PM
Quote from: "5h4rK"
Well, you know what?
(http://http://www.yojoe.com/vehicles/88/vehiclepack_atv/atv_title.jpg) < CHROME Mole Pod
I fixed it for you!
Post by: pdaat on April 29, 2011, 08:22:23 AM
Post by: 5h4rK on April 29, 2011, 11:28:14 AM
Quote from: "pdaat"
The Mole Pod had far more functionality than the chair-in-a-crate.
..you mean the La-Z-Boy armed to the teeth?
(http://http://www.yojoe.com/vehicles/87/coastaldefender/coastaldefender_title.jpg)
Post by: olyeller01 on April 29, 2011, 11:35:20 AM
But yes, it does look like a recliner in a crate.
Post by: B on April 30, 2011, 09:01:42 AM
Post by: bandonov on April 30, 2011, 11:43:40 AM
Quote from: "B"
The coastal defender looks more like something cobra should be using while trying to sneak weapons around the country.
I think you are right, it would have sold better as a Cobra weapon. +1
Post by: ARROW on November 04, 2011, 03:46:03 PM
The Neutralizer is gone. Begone! Vamoose! Scram.
I gave it away. I said I had no love for it, and I meant it.
Latino-joe now has it. Its his problem now. ;D
May he love it long time.
Post by: latinjoe22 on November 07, 2011, 12:31:05 PM
A post-script-reviving this dormant thread:
The Neutralizer is gone. Begone! Vamoose! Scram.
I gave it away. I said I had no love for it, and I meant it.
Latino-joe now has it. Its his problem now. ;D
May he love it long time.
Arrow, you forgot to add this at the end of your post LOL:
"The name Latino-joe is a fictional name used for reference purposes only. Any resemblance to a real joecanuck.com username is unintentional and therefore purely coincidental."
Post by: bloth on November 14, 2011, 12:08:47 PM
Quote from: olyeller01
Sorry guys, but to your faithful reviewer, NOTHING is worse than the Mole Pod!
I don't know about that.
Cobra Rat
Cobra Buzz Boar
G.I. Joe Coastal Defender
G.I. Joe Road Toad
I have to buy a Coastal Defender now... never heard of it before but it looks awesome to me!